Expensive ass patchwork shirts from Gitman Vintage give you that kamikaze Goodwill look without all the aroma of a literal vintage shirt. Say what you will about GitVit shirts, I enjoy them as much as a grown man can enjoy a shirt. How much would be too much? We are entering a hazardous sartorial discussion my dudes. Let’s exit stage left to the product details.
Obvious info from End include, “Inspired by their timeless craft and some of our favourite designs from around the world, the Gitman Vintage x END. Patchwork Detail Oxford Shirt is cut in their trademark silhouette from a classic Oxford fabric. Retaining all of the detailing that has made Gitman’s shirting such a design classic, it is finished with a patchwork print fabric utilised at the chest pocket and for contrasting elbow patches.”
Both over at End.
Been awhile since I put together a Things You Shouldn’t Buy piece, so let’s go back to one of the preeminent places for any and all menswear, Mr. Porter. As I’ve said before in my previous Things You Shouldn’t Buy, I fucking love the Porter. Very few places offer such depth and breadth of high-end goods and match it with top-notch customer service like Mr. Porter. But like any online menswear mecca, they also stock some attire that make little sartorial sense, so here’s a look at a few items to stay the hell away from.
Let’s go ahead and get these hot pieces of shit out of the way first, shall we? Our friends at Mr. Porter tell us, “Balmain’s iconic biker jeans are cleverly constructed but the effect looks cool and effortless.” Too bad they hired a blind dude to write the copy on this one, as the only thing effortless about these monstrosities is the way I cringe when I think about being seen by anyone I know whilst wearing them. And if a real biker saw you in these “biker” jeans, he would lose his boot up your ass. At least they will sell one pair to the lead singer of Cold Play, as these totally look like some shit he would wear on tour.
If Givenchy was trying to encapsulate a jacket that possessed the essence of 50% halloween costume, 24% Elton John, 15% Nick Wooster and 10% Beats by Dre and 1% Han Solo, I totally think they nailed it.
Close your eyes for a second and imagine the coolest guy you’ve ever met in person. Now, imagine him wearing this fucking sweater. It literally took all his cool points away, didn’t it? This fucker doesn’t even resemble actual zebra stripes. Big Bill Cosby wouldn’t even wear this laughable wreak of a sweater.
Mr. Porter lets us know that these shitty moon boots, “reflects different colours in the light.” They forgot to add that they also reflect how disappointed your parents are in you when wearing them. Here’s a question, is Jimmy Choo a diffusion brand of British Knights? If these shoes are the future, fingers crossed our species goes extinct before it happens.
Why duct tape a black leather pocket on a grey sweatshirt? If you buy this, it comes with a MP3 of the dudes at Valentino laughing at you.
Want a shit bag hat to ruin any outfit you might put together? Look no further. Even if you’re bald as hell, better than wearing this candy-striped ass hat. The fucking stripes aren’t even lined up on the brim! Apparently this hat is designed exclusively for Mr. Porter. I think they got royally screwed on that deal.
Tough guy print t-shirts? Man, I reeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy thought that shit was donezo. If you’re really into it, save your 150$ and just go to TJ Maxx and buy an Affliction one for $11.99.
Big props to Mr. P for carrying the SS14 Gyakusou collection from Nike, but these running tights are the retarded child of the collection. Just don’t do it.
Say what you will about Mr. Federer’s style, you’d be hard pressed to find an athlete that looks better on and off the court than RF. Certainly tennis gear no longer resembles the formal attire of yesteryear but Roger’s on the court accoutrements strike a balance of current cool without dishonoring the classic aesthetic of tennis past. And I can’t think of a guy who has used his celebrity to market a superior group of products including Nike, Mercedes-Benz, Moet & Chandon, and Rolex just to name a few.
So what can we learn from Roger? A man’s hair doesn’t have to be perfect to look perfect, you are who you associate with, a blazer is always the right choice, and winning begins in the locker-room. And the greatest lesson of all, you might not always outplay the competition but you can always outclass them.
Filson keeps on killing it, introducing their long awaited Black Collection. If I didn’t already have a Filson luggage set in the classic tan, I’d be all in as you should be if you’re looking to upgrade your travel wear. My only beef is the key Filson must have that seems to currently be missing in the black pack is the Pullman, which is my go to on any and every excursion.
Check out some key pieces below and head over to Filson to scout the collection in its entirety.
Look who’s back my dudes. Cut your boy a little slack on being a bit MIA on AHD here of late, as I’m holding down the fort with a new little dude at home and being a dad twice over took me offline for a minute. But don’t stress as I’m back on the job for you, ready to keep yammering about shirts, shoes and shit.
Dealing with a 2-year-old and an 12-week-old has me feeling more and more empathy for all you big homies out there getting breast milk puked all over your floral print popovers. Here of late I’ve been less on menswear and more about fatherfashion. With that in mind, here’s an Assemblage to help any and every father out there dominate dadsville. Click out on the titles for further details and purchase info.
Look, you’re gonna need a shit ton of t-shirts. No matter how many burp cloths you drape around you, the spit-up somehow finds its way on your shirt. Every time. Literally happened to me this morning. But don’t stress about it big homie. Just procure yourself, say, 50 of these Unis t’s and all will be irie.
My man, your mind and computer screen might be locked on Pitti but your ass is on the couch. The only photos anyone is taking of you is when part of your shoulder gets in the frame of your little dude’s lumpy face. You don’t need another cerulean blazer, you need another pair of comfortable sweats. These “un-sweatpants” from J.Crew just might trick your partner into thinking you actually put some real pants on for a change. HA! JOKES ON HER, YOU’RE STILL A LAZY PIECE OF SHIT!
Sleep is now minimum. Set what little shut-eye you have up for success with some buttery soft PJ action from J.Press.
I mean, dropping $3700.00 on a luxxy lux Visvim jacket right after having a kid is most likely a pretty bad idea. But fuck it. The college fund can wait. Splurge on you.
You’re a father now, which means you should dignify your drinking by moving from a $25+/bottle to $50+/bottle. Angel’s Envy is a good place to start. Drink it after your lady makes you sleep on the couch after buying that expensive ass jacket. HA! JOKE’S STILL ON HER, AIN’T NO SLEEP IN THE BEDROOM WITH THE LITTLE TYKE IN THERE! SLEEPING ON THE COUCH RULES!
World Cup and Wimbledon aside, you’re gonna need something to do on all those days bouncing your kid around or late nights when nobody’s sleeping. I mean, you can’t always be on blogs reading about clothes. For my money there’s nothing like a good book to ease the weary mind and soothe the sleepless soul. I’m currently reading this collection of novellas from my favorite author, Jim Harrison (who I actually named my son, Harrison, after).
Kids smell terrible. Equip your home with these Magnolia candles from Izola, which are quite pleasant.
Kids smelling terrible = You smell terrible. I’m into the new Terre d’Hermès Eau Très Fraîche, which has a nice balance of citrus and cedar notes. You know what it doesn’t smell like? Dirty diapers. I win.
Unless you make some sick effort in the food prep department you’ll be living on pizza and Sunchips. When you’re half asleep and have no time you’re gonna be tempted to eat anything and everything and after a couple of months those sweats will be the only pants that still fit. Save yourself with sous vide. For those of you who are not wannabe chefs, sous vide (French for under vacuum) is a cooking method that uses precise temperature control to cook sealed food in a water bath heated at low range temperatures. This results in more control for the cook to create an even doneness and the ability to replicate recipes with detailed precision and ease. Fool proof food that you don’t have to stand over a skillet for. I use this affordable option from Sansaire constantly. Do it for your clothing.
White noise in black. Get him to sleep and keep him asleep. You’re welcome.
It’s inevitable that you’re gonna need to leave the house and take the kid(s) with you. Don’t make the rookie mistake like your’s truly and end up looking like a lummox carrying your lady’s pink striped diaper bag from Kate Spade. The shit on the inside might be for the baby but the bag is for you. Now I’m not big on backpacks but J.W. Hulme’s Continental version frees up both your hands and keeps you from looking like a middle schooler.
Every once and awhile you’re gonna need to get the hell outta the house. And when you do finally do step out the door and into the light or out for the night, do so with some class. This linen Victorian Ivy Print one from Hill-Side will do the trick nicely.
Being a dad is the greatest experience a man can have… but you don’t want to do this shit again. *Editors Note: All gentlemen may not fit into Magum brand condoms. Ask your local pharmacist for fit assistance.
All the latest Blue Blue Japan attire that just hit Unionmade is blowing my mind and quite possibly my bank account. From the U, “BLUE BLUE KOBE, opened in Kobe prefecture Western Japan in 1990. Over the past 22 years BLUE BLUE has opened stores in harbor towns including Hakata, Kokura (both in southern Japan Kyushu area) and Yokohama. Founded on the brand’s love for the indigo color and denim craftsmanship, the Blue Blue collection is a range of beautifully made and dyed clothing in natural fibers, unique fabrics and artisan wash processes.”
Head over to Unionmade for more.
That time of the year to break back out the washed denim (even though I technically never really put it away). If you’re looking for a great pair and like ‘em slim and selvedge, I highly recommend Baldwin’s Henley. I have a pair from their first run back in ’11 and have been loving them ever since.
Currently in stock at Need Supply.