Spring Break | Sartorial Notes
I’ve been out of undergrad for more than a decade. Hell, even grad school was so long ago that the two words “spring” and “break” now mean more about a late March getaway than the collegiate custom of getting bombed at the beach. Make no mistake, I still plan on libations that lead to the inevitable and enjoyable inebriation, it’s just that these days I need a slower start and a softer landing.
You, gentle reader, might very well still be in the blasted with the bros phase of life and to that I’ll tip my hat, hoping that you are still under the age of say, 25. But who am I to judge? Regardless of you age or ambitions for a beach getaway, you’ll need gear and tackle and with that I can assist.
Swim-Wear: First off the bat, you’re in all likelihood going to someplace warm that if isn’t near the sea at the very least has a pool. If you haven’t been keeping up your gym membership since the holidays, your man-tits might be in the B-cup category. For that, I got nothing other than maybe keeping your shirt on at the beach. I mean, you could always throw out some sad ass story about having some pre-melanoma condition but you’ll still look like a fat asshole to anyone who doesn’t hear your cover story. Next year get on the push-ups big homie. O yeah, regarding trunks, keep ’em slim, short and simple like these from Saturdays.
Sunglasses: Sure, shades are a given but maybe it’s time to upgrade your previous pair to something more avant garde. I’m not talking about going Johnny Depp or Bono and looking like you work at that discount counterfeit sunglass kiosk and have full access to all the rip-off eyewear a man could ever need (answer: none). I’m just saying that if you’ve yet to invest in an intentional pair of sunglasses, a pair that fit your face well and accent your features, sunglasses that are not just another pair of sunglasses, now’s a great time. For that, look into the wide range that won’t break the bank at Warby Parker.
Beach Towel: Ah, forgot about the beach towel, didn’t you? You just gonna trot one of the bathroom towels down to the shoreline and hope it doesn’t look desperate or cross your fingers that the 1.5-star joint (translation: shit hole) you’re posted up at is going to offer complementary towel service? Nah brah, you need to be packing your own big, badass beach towel that has room for all the beautiful ladies (translation for me: my wife and daughter) to sit on. Get at your boy Ralph for some cable knit action with the pony in the corner.
Reading Materials: Can we be honest for a second? Great. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a good bit of time but haven’t found the right moment. Your beach reading material is shit. Don’t take it personally big homie, I’m only saying it because I care… so damn much. You’re still waiting until you go on vacation to get your reading resources and end up grabbing up a Men’s Health and Sports Illi at Walgreens. You know I hate to see you suffer. Read right this year and bust it over to Unionmade to stack some proper menswear magazines.
Beach Bag: You’re gonna need a beach bag to jam your beach towel (*see above) and reading material (*see above) into. And don’t be a fool and take your Filson messenger down to the sand. It’s not big enough and will remind you of whatever job you carry it to during the work week. Go ahead and make the move for a official beach bag that is sizable enough and fits in amongst sandcastles. For that, hit up the Makr Farm Tote, which is actually on sale until 3/18 (*also applicable to tote on farm).
Deck of Cards: That’s right. A deck of cards is the single most used accessory on spring break. Ok, that’s a lie but they do indeed come in handy for drinking games, poker or even a sunburned game of Spades. You could get the classic Bicycle and do no harm but why not splurge and hit up these from Hermès? You’ve wasted more money on lesser goods before.
Drink: A good time and a good drink go hand in hand. You’re not getting your hands on Pappy Van Winkle so opt for a bottle of Angel’s Envy. Just polished a bottle with my crew and give it two drunken thumbs up.
Beach Flops: Notice I call these “beach flops” to remind you that these are strictly for use on the beach. Please don’t wear them anywhere else, as no one should be subjected to a man’s open toes. Mine are just awful. That being said, when it comes to the infamous flip flop, keep it simple and colorful so you can find them in the sand. Give Havaianas a look if you’re in need of a simple pair that will do the job they’re called to do (take you from room to beach and back to room to get a damn pair of shoes).